Frumpfighter

It’s not about you, it’s about the child

Posted on: January 24, 2009

Before I became a parent I was one of those who questioned others’ parenting skills and had no patience for less than little angels. All children were created equal weren’t they?

I also jumped on the bandwagon that diagnoses like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, better known as ADHD, were just a crock and cop out for bad kids.  And prescription drugs like Ritalin were just a way for pharmaceutical companies to make a buck. I fell into all of the one-sided arguments about lazy parents who couldn’t handle their little brats so they sedated them.

My beautiful baby a day after he was born.

My beautiful baby a day after he was born.

And then in November 2002, five weeks before my due date, I became a mother. Sage Jeffory Holmes was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Yes, he was a little yellow-orange due to jaundice and had a minor eye infection, but he was perfect in every way to me.

 Within a few months it became evident he wasn’t developing on pace with children his age. Eventually, he rolled over, sat up, talked and walked. All of these milestones were way behind, but it was a major accomplishment when each one finally happened.  

When we took him to events like Easter egg hunts, kids’ events in the park and even trick-or-treating, it became more evident he didn’t have the same interest or abilities as other children. He liked to do his own thing. Rather than playing with the other kids, he would rather look at the air conditioner. When he got stuck on something, it became an obsession – like air conditioners or fans.  He didn’t engage in conversation, but rather talked about his current obsession.

After testing and evaluation at the University of Iowa Children’s Hospital in 2006, he was diagnosed with Pervasive Development Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified, or PDD-NOS, which falls on the autism spectrum. I’ll never forget when we were leaving the clinic after a long day of testing, one of the nurses said to me, “He’s a handful. Good luck, you’ll need it.” Gee, thanks.  I was hoping for help, not luck.

Through all of his developmental delays and social difficulties, it has been evident he is a sweet, intelligent young boy. He learned his letters and numbers at a rapid rate. He memorized all the states and capitals and could point out any of them on a map. Even Montana. He loves music and has taught himself how to play piano. Once he hears a song, he plunks it out on one of his electric keyboards.

Sage composing a song on one of his keyboards.

Sage composing a song on one of his keyboards.

So, it was never a question of whether he would attend school on schedule. Last year, he was in special education preschool and continued to learn basic skills. This year he is mainstreamed into kindergarten with the help of several special education teachers. He is still learning at a strong pace, but his inability to focus and stay on task is interrupting his class and his own learning.

We took him to the doctor last week for another evaluation and we all agree he more than likely has ADHD. The doctor explained to us how Ritalin works, possible side effects, and the possibility it might not be effective given his other delays. But we’re going to give a shot. If it will help him focus and have a more productive life, we can’t deny him that because we might be criticized because Ritalin is not popular with everyone. Because in the end, it is not about everyone else or his teachers or parents. It’s about him.

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2 Responses to "It’s not about you, it’s about the child"

I tried posting at twitter moms, and decided to not be lazy and read the whole post. My son falls more into the Aspberger category, but we did find a natural plan that has worked for us. It is so frustrating when people judge our children as less than… and in reality they have a far higher intelligence than most. We just have to find a way to unharness it.

Thanks for the response, Dee Dee. My son has an appointment in a couple weeks with a behavioral specialist. We hope to get a few more things figured out then.

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